I feel dedicated to Integral and I am

and yet

sometimes, increasingly most times, i am so sick of integral-this and integral-that

just simply friggin tired of the fuss.

big fucking deal! 

For the ones who truly take my breath away...

For that part in us that is insecure about our unique gift...

'"There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep yourself open and aware to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. ... No artist is pleased. [There is] no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others"'

~From The Life and Work of Martha Graham

David Sunfellow, Carol Williamson, Charly Wells and Steve Schliebs of Integral Sedona recently visited Boulder and dropped by our Boulder Integral Center. These folks are so lovely. We had a great time. 

Here is our dear friend Gina who comes to Boulder, then we have breakfast (with Liza too), then we check out the Boulder Integral Center and then she decides to print her boarding pass because she is already a little late.  And then, lo-and-behold, its one of those great moments when she realizes she booked her return flight a day too late.  We had a laugh, but she also felt a little bad... Eventually, she talked to her daughter and boss back in CA and everything was fine :-)  Hanging out later than she originally expected to Boulder Integral Center meant that she also got to meet Stuart Davis :-)

From where I sat, I could see the leather striker leaning inside the stunningly beautiful Japanese hand-hammered singing bowl, and the beautiful satin cushion, all resting on the small stool.  The discussions begin after a 20 minute guided meditation.  People sharing all kinds of integral wisdom.

My eyes, in calm abiding attention, kept going to just one place: the layer of dust on top of the stool around the meditation bowl, and the one place where there was a marking of a finger tip. 

Could I ever ask for more?

It is really quite something that there is a balcony that provides me a second bed these days
On nights like tonight, when it is so late-summer-warm, I sleep out here on this deck
Leaning towards 28th, the faint sound of cars...further to the east, a long line of tiny little headlights.
Oh, did I tell you? I love, absolutely love, watching moving cars in the far away distance - so tiny but it fascinates me no end, because its like life driving Dinkies
Maybe listening to KBCO...Death Cab for Cutie? Again? 

Decker is alert.  Very serious.  Like he needs to protect me from the dark
Either that or he's just dreaming of BBQ-ing that cat next door
A late night jogger
In Boulder, you'll find one any time!

This silky cool air drapes like a shawl over my shoulders
My chain cold around my neck
Dust under my bare feet
In a bit, I'll sit on the deck chair before getting inside the covers to rub my soles against each other
I'm too lazy to go back inside and wash feet again

It is quiet
In here
I mean, in here.
and there
I mean, over there
Wait
That is right here

Dear God, this precious human birth is so bloody beautiful
Guide me in this walk of benediction
Dusty feet and all
Nasty Indian snacks and all
Blasting bombs in Colombo
My exploding heartbeats and all
A breath at a time
Pink cricket balls in England
Stefan's photos and all,
Guide me
Please guide me

In a couple of hours, around 4:30 am, I'll wake up as usual
My head under the duvet
Decker too
It will be much colder outside
I will stand up in the chilly air and look to the east
Watch for a bit the faint sign of another rising sun
The occasional Dinky still driving around
Too cold!
So, I will drag myself back into the room
Dusty feet and all

How                  does     one              cleanse       herself     thoroughly  of         those

grotesque      ghastly        sickening

baptisms,



and          start


replanting


a burnt fortress?


.